I'm too damn old for American Idol 

After camping out in line, I was stunned to see the sign 
Said if you're over 29, just go back home you're past your prime 
So before I sang my tunes, or got thrown out by their goons 
Went down and filed for Medicare, and slumped down in my rocking chair 

It's not like I'm ready for social security 
Though I'm pretty sure a few of their judges'll collect before me 

But I'm too damn old for American Idol 
They shot me down before my arrival 
Another face that America won't see 

I thought of plastic surgery, and faking my ID 
And maybe lots of spackle paste, will hide the wrinkles on my face 
And maybe if I bleach, what's left of all my teeth 
I wouldn't break your camera lens, I'd even give up my Depends 

If I do all these things will you audition me 
Unless I'm mistaken, you even have viewers out of puberty 

But I'm too damn old for American Idol 
They shot me down before my arrival 
Another face that America won't see 
Won't hear Simple Simon getting condescending 
And tell me the career that I just started's ending 
What's it take to get this geezer on TV 

Ellen, I'm yelling, what'll it take for you to notice me 
'Cause, last I checked, I'm still not a member of AARP 

But I'm too damn old for American Idol 
They shot me down before my arrival 
Another face that America won't see 
Won't hear Simple Simon getting condescending 
And tell me the career that I just started's ending 
Truth be told I'm happy singing my songs for free 

But, I can still dream I'm not too old to dream I can still dream